Loss (Yellow Folder Anthology)

Loss

Out of all the crazy shit that has happened to me,

I have finally discovered what it means to be happy.

In all of this happiness, I have paid the highest cost.

The most valuable gift in life I have lost.

Sometimes only minutes away

and to be seen, I wouldn't know what to say.

When you've given up the greatest gift from above,

saying I'm sorry just isn't enough.

Sacrificing to become who I needed to be,

and still, I feel so empty because they aren't with me.

Not being able to hold them when they cry;

Not being able to explain to them why,

gives me so much heartache and pain,

sometimes I feel like I'm going insane.

Two years is such a long gap,

sometimes I feel like I'm going to snap.

To them, I have so much to give,

without them, I sometimes find it hard to live.

Speaking from one mother to another, they just can't fathom

what it's like to live their lives not being able to have them

It's not easy to explain all the things that made me who I am today,

are the same reasons why they were taken away.

It's so hard to find people who can relate.

It's so hard to understand how this could be fate.

On the outside looking in at families together and so happy,

crying every day on the inside wondering why can't that be me.

Thinking of the lonely childhood I had,

seeing them relive it hurts me so bad.

Losing everything that ever mattered.

All my hopes and dreams have been shattered.

It's history repeating itself all the same,

and I only have myself to blame.

I live every day holding all of this inside.

I am alive, but to them, I have died.

In my heart is a bleeding, gaping hole.

In my chest is a meaningless soul.

Each day I search for a reason to go on,

living in disbelief that they are gone.

Every day when I hear a child yell Mom,

I turn my head, and my heart explodes like a bomb.

It isn't them and it's plain to see,

but I so badly want it to be!

To see them would be my biggest breakdown ever,

and I have to accept maybe I won't get to see them again... Never.

You couldn't possibly understand the strength it takes to go on each day without them.

I am Superwoman 

Written by Brooke Carter 

Yellow Folder Anthology