Moving On (Yellow Folder Anthology)


 Moving On

I know what I am feeling and it can't be good.
When I first met John I never thought he would.
I knew how he was and how he could be.
Just never thought he would take it out on me.
I find myself trying to love him; Most of the time I don't.
He thinks I'll be there after he hurts me; I think I won't.
This can't be true love; It's just like everyone before.
I am supposed to take my punishment and stay to wait for more.
A lot of the time it's fake, but we make it seem real.
But eventually, the hateful truth comes out; that is the way we really feel.
Why can't I have someone to show me love?
Real affection, passion, love.
I am so torn between the decision I have to make.
Is leaving John a risk I am willing to take?
I am so confused. What should I do?
John isn't loving me the way I need him to.
Am I so stupid for lying to myself all of this time?
I am tired of trying to make everything else just fine.
Now we are stuck in this miserable relationship.
I only wanted love, I didn't want this.
I wanted to be affectionate, to hug, and to kiss.
I want overflowing love and bliss.
I need someone to hold me, to have those feelings for me.
I need to make love. I need that feeling of ecstasy.
I see that John will never give those things to me.
I feel so selfish, but I can't control my needs.
I need more than just the dirty deeds.
I have made sweet love a few times before.
I know what it's like and I need more.
There's nothing better than a lust-filled passion.
Making love and kissing up to the moment of action.
But I will never get that from John.
And because of that, I must move on.

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