Brooke's Blog

 Moving On I know what I am feeling and it can't be good. When I first met John I never thought he would. I knew how he was and how he could be. Just never thought he would take it out on me. I find myself trying to love him; Most of the time I don't. He thinks I'll be there after he hurts me; I think I won't. This can't be true love; It's just like everyone before. I am supposed to take my punishment and stay to wait for more. A lot of the time it's fake, but we make it seem real. But eventually, the hateful truth comes out; that is the way we really feel. Why can't I have someone to show me love? Real affection, passion, love. I am so torn between the decision I have to make. Is leaving John a risk I am willing to take? I am so confused. What should I do? John isn't loving me the way I need him to. Am I so stupid for lying to myself all of this time? I am tired of trying to make everything else just fine. Now we are stuck in this miserable relation...

  Mommy's Promise Entering into my biggest battle in life I'll ever have to fight. On a passionate quest to make all of my wrongs right. Some of my mistakes will go forever unforgiven. I have been far from perfect, but I'm not giving up on my only reason for living. I gave my life lives to love me unconditionally. I went mentally insane when they were taken from me. I made them to have the greatest loves I had ever known, to give them the love I had never been shown. I let my addictions take their Mother away. I've borrowed time I can never repay. My painful past and all the abuse became my crutch, my pathetic excuse to use. Each day I'm overcoming my mental demons that are overwhelming. I wouldn't know how to live my life right if I hadn't lived it wrong. I had to overcome my weaknesses to become this strong. Everything happens for a reason and only God knows why. The reason I am still living is because I deserve one more try. Mommy is done wasting precious...

  Addiction As I sit here today, I'm not sad about my past. I feel proud because I made it at last! For the first time in my life, everyone can see the real me I have always wanted to be! I am so strong because I am in control. I have found the strength to just say no! 16 years of partying, I finally got a clue of what that kind of lifestyle will do to me, what it will do to you. Jonesin for that high is a sad way of life. Hiding the depression that stabs you like a knife. Whatever your flavor will not stop the pain. When the high is gone, the hurt is still the same. Keeping my head numb so I don't have to deal with the pain of my past and my future that is real. Life is life and every day is a struggle. But I no longer feed my addiction with a broke assed hustle. From when my eyes open in the morning till they close at night, I am busting my ass to live my life right. Got my ducks in a row, doing everything I should. Bursting with pride from living my life being good. Yeah tha...

Loss Out of all the crazy shit that has happened to me, I have finally discovered what it means to be happy. In all of this happiness, I have paid the highest cost. The most valuable gift in life I have lost. Sometimes only minutes away and to be seen, I wouldn't know what to say. When you've given up the greatest gift from above, saying I'm sorry just isn't enough. Sacrificing to become who I needed to be, and still, I feel so empty because they aren't with me. Not being able to hold them when they cry; Not being able to explain to them why, gives me so much heartache and pain, sometimes I feel like I'm going insane. Two years is such a long gap, sometimes I feel like I'm going to snap. To them, I have so much to give, without them, I sometimes find it hard to live. Speaking from one mother to another, they just can't fathom what it's like to live their lives not being able to have them It's not easy to explain all the things that made me who I ...

  The Tortoise and The Hare When my husband's health began deteriorating last summer, I began preparing for having to support our daughter on my own. One of my biggest beliefs is to always hope for the best while preparing for the worst; That way you're equipped to handle both.  I had two options for my family's future 1.) Get a corporate-based retail job that would barely make ends meet, and risk being unable to keep this roof over Angel's head 'if' the worst did happen. Or 2.) Make something out of nothing and build a stable foundation that will greatly support us financially in the long run. It wasn't an easy decision to make.  Job stability, and pay regularity are excellent factors of a corporate-based job. But the unappreciative managerial chain of command that treats their employees like disposable diapers is not something I'm capable of dealing with long term. The best days of my employment history are when I owned my cleaning business. I'm th...

  There isn't enough time in the day to write all the things that I have to say. I'm definitely writing a book one day.  I'm almost finished writing about how Dan and I fell in love. I had hoped to publish it today, but instead I'm mopping up the dog piss that the Roomba spread all over my house! 🤣 Tomorrow's another day 😊